The Girl Who Thinks That Because You're Friends on Facebook, You're Actually Friends in Real Life

Oh my god! I saw those new pics of you on vacation this week! How was it!? How's your family!? Are you still dating your girlfriend!? Its not up on Facebook!? Listen b*itch, just because we were in the same freshman orientation group and had Math 101 together two years ago does not mean that we're "Friends" by anyone's standards. We may be "Friends" on Facebook, but other than the occasional hello when we walk by each other in the quad to avoid awkwardness, I honestly don't f*cking care about you or anything that happens in your life. I bet you have 2,000 friends on Facebook, while in reality you hang out regularly with three of them. Take a lap, I'm going to get another beer.

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"Love it or Leave it Color Coordination"

From BHGP.com: [Memo dictated by Tad Shamarharhar, Assistant Athletic Director for Color Coordination, Wave Production and Rhythmic Chanting, for general release] "The Penn State game was a great success. I don't think anyone thought we could get the Kinnick crowd to pull off the stripe effect, but we did it. Note to self: if I ever realize my lifelong dream of pulling off a coup d'etat in this country, remember that the Iowans follow directions well. Very well. Don't write that last part down. It was an impressive effort, but I think we have just touched the tip of the iceberg in terms of fan color coordination. We can, nay, we must go farther. Here are the color coordination instructions I have prepared for the Wisconsin game: If you are sitting in section 122, row 45, seats 1-15, you should wear navy If you are sitting in section 122, row 45, seats 16-25, you should wear royal blue If you are sitting in section 122, row 45, seats 26-40, you should wea...

Connect the dots

While mounting the girl he cheated on you with. Duh.

A Heartless Woman

Mindy Greany WATERLOO,IA --- A Grundy Center woman has been sentenced to prison for stealing from people with disabilities. As a credit counseling company employee, Mindy Sue Greany, 31, oversaw the funds of the blind and mentally challenged --- people who needed help keeping track of their money. Instead, she siphoned more than $100,000 from their accounts at Family Management Credit Counselors in Waterloo. On Friday, District Court Judge Margaret Lingreen sentenced Greany to spend up to 10 years in prison for her pleas to six counts of first-degree theft, eight counts of second-degree theft and one count of third-degree theft. One of the credit counseling clients had a simple question for Greany when he took the witness stand during sentencing. "He said 'Why did you steal from me?'" said Roger Goldsberry, director of Family Management Credit Counselors. Greany was an administrative assistant at the organization and took money between July 2003 and July 27, 2...

Jimmi Jerx

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