The Girl Who Thinks That Because You're Friends on Facebook, You're Actually Friends in Real Life

Oh my god! I saw those new pics of you on vacation this week! How was it!? How's your family!? Are you still dating your girlfriend!? Its not up on Facebook!? Listen b*itch, just because we were in the same freshman orientation group and had Math 101 together two years ago does not mean that we're "Friends" by anyone's standards. We may be "Friends" on Facebook, but other than the occasional hello when we walk by each other in the quad to avoid awkwardness, I honestly don't f*cking care about you or anything that happens in your life. I bet you have 2,000 friends on Facebook, while in reality you hang out regularly with three of them. Take a lap, I'm going to get another beer.

Comments

Millet Flour

"Michelle Williams, she was on Dawson’s Creek and a few movies since then. Anyway, she’s moved up to my area ( Sullivan County NY ), and makes appearances around here sometimes. Anyway, she came into a healthfood store I work at, and we’re a small town, small inventory type of store; and we didn’t have enough of what she was looking for (millet flour) so she ordered it. Now, ordinarily, when customers order something specific, we take a down payment. When I told her this, she refused, and said she’d rather pay in full later. I thought, shes loaded, she’s good for it. Well we ordered all her millet flour and she never came! We paid just about $300 upfront from our supplier company, and Nik, I don’t know if Shayne is into healthfood, but she may know what millet flour is, and it’s very hard to sell!! Just thought I’d blast this mediocre actress (at best) for the $300 that cut a week and a half’s pay from my check." [via] She needs to be antiqued with that Millet Flour.

A Heartless Woman

Mindy Greany WATERLOO,IA --- A Grundy Center woman has been sentenced to prison for stealing from people with disabilities. As a credit counseling company employee, Mindy Sue Greany, 31, oversaw the funds of the blind and mentally challenged --- people who needed help keeping track of their money. Instead, she siphoned more than $100,000 from their accounts at Family Management Credit Counselors in Waterloo. On Friday, District Court Judge Margaret Lingreen sentenced Greany to spend up to 10 years in prison for her pleas to six counts of first-degree theft, eight counts of second-degree theft and one count of third-degree theft. One of the credit counseling clients had a simple question for Greany when he took the witness stand during sentencing. "He said 'Why did you steal from me?'" said Roger Goldsberry, director of Family Management Credit Counselors. Greany was an administrative assistant at the organization and took money between July 2003 and July 27, 2...

Gawker Slams Press? (Nik Richie's Daughter)

"Sorry, But Babies Are Ugly" Oh, you probably don't think so. You probably think that your baby is "cute." Sure. Do you think a worm is cute? No. Your baby basically looks like a worm with a face and a couple legs. It's fairly hideous. I'm sure that your baby could very well grow up to be a cute child, or even a cute adult. But right now it is just a shriveled, crying, drooling, bald mess. If you saw a homeless man exhibiting the exact same physical traits as your baby, you would cross the street in disgust. Your hormones have you fooled. We're giving you the hard truth here. What are you going to do, widely distribute this post on all of your parenting message boards and newsletters and "social media" sites until countless thousands of readers flood into its comment section, inflating our readership statistics with their outpouring of rage? Go ahead, do your worst. We can take it. Your baby is ugly. Your baby? Your baby. Your ugly baby. G...

Jimmi Jerx

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